The real reason I decided to get The Sneeze back online is because my friend ate bad Vietnamese food in Nashville and threw her guts up. For the sake of anonymity we’ll call her Ainsley. (Also because her name is ANSLEY and she can’t stand it when people call her Ainsley.)

I asked if I could get her anything, (I’m great!), and she requested “animal crackers and string cheese.” Ah yes, what settles the stomach better than a tube of children’s mozzarella? And I guess when she’s not tossing her cookies, she likes eating them! (Ooh, that was strong — I’m on fire.)

Like the good friend and hunter/gatherer I am, I delivered the goods…

While we were going to town on the animal crackers (they really are excellent) I couldn’t help but notice some questionable teats on my (cat? squirrel?) cookie…

It seemed like an odd detail to include in a cookie targeted at kids (and, of course, grown-ups with Vietnamese food poisoning). I would have let it go, but here was yet another cookie ready to make its own milk…

And another…

What the heck is going on here? I probably talked about these cookie tits for a good half hour. I even recited imaginary dialogue as the CEO of the cookie company berating his designers to add more…

My buddy, Joe, was along for this adventure and his lady, Jenn, thinks they’re just “chub rolls.” She’s not wrong — they are chub rolls. With nipples. For the hungry young to suckle.

Eventually I thought, “If The Sneeze still existed I would put this on there.” So, thanks to some bad Vietnamese food and a cookie company that is pro-cleavage, we’re back.

Back to The Sneeze homepage.