Yo! Back in the day my 4-year-old used to come up with jokes — they were unfunnily hilarious then and still are!
Jokes from the Booster Seat
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Jokes Are Funny!
My four-year-old has started writing his own jokes. They’re hilarious.
They are also completely unfunny in every way. But they sound like jokes, and he really sells the punchlines hard, which makes them all that much funnier.
Here’s his first joke. If you have a speaking engagement coming up, feel free to loosen up the crowd with this little zinger…
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Q: “Why did the boy jump into the pile of peanuts?”
A: “He wanted to play soccer!!!“
I’ll admit it’s a bit of a thinker, but with this joke you will kill. Kill!
I guarantee it.
Once the crowd is begging for more, follow up with this other joke he wrote, then sit back and wait for the laughter to die down. (That is if the crowd isn’t already carrying you off on their shoulders to buy you beer and sex.):
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Q: “Why did the man throw a stick of butter at the ceiling fan?”
A: “ He wanted the blades to stop turning!“
HEE HEE HAW HAW HO HO HEE!!!
Ha Ha Ha!
hee.
You see the ceiling fan… and the butter…
Fuck you, he’s four.
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Jokes from the Booster Seat #2: A Special Christmas Joke
Happy Yuletide, Yo!
Here’s a special Christmas joke, courtesy of the boy. He continues to shake things up — this time faking me out with a question that I thought was leading to an obvious answer. Needless to say, he took a different road on the punchline.
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Q: “Why does Santa have 3 gardens?”
A: “Because he has 4 kitchens and he likes to cook HARD!“
Have a great holiday, guys.
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Jokes from the Booster Seat #3
Regular readers of The Sneeze probably know that the “jokes” my 5-year-old son writes have become something of a fixture around here. I always get emails whenever I post one, so I’ve decided to make them a regular feature.
I present to you now the first in his latest batch of…
(featuring Invisi-Punchline™ technology!)
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Q: “What did the worm say to the army?”
A: “Get shootin’!!“
Unless you started coughing up blood from laughing too hard, you’ll be happy to know there’s plenty more where that came from. And remember, he really sells the punchlines hard, so be sure to do the same when you re-tell it at your next board meeting or job interview!
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Jokes from the Booster Seat #4
It’s time once again to enjoy the comedic stylings of my son. So sit back, relax, and get ready to laugh until your bowels evacuate, thanks to some brand new…
(featuring Invisi-Punchline™ technology!)
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Q: “What did the chicken say to the TV?”
A: “Send over Mister Salami!“
Q: “What do you get when you cross a sandwich, a person, and a car?”
A: “A flying sandwich pit!“
Q: “What did the watermelon say to the giraffe?”
A: “Dale, I’m going to jail!“
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Jokes from the Booster Seat #5
It’s time for yet another delightful batch of jokes from the boy to you…
(featuring Invisi-Punchline™ technology!)
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Q: “Why did the pickle go in his hot dog bun car?”
A: “Because he wanted to visit the wild!“
Q: “What’s the difference between a shuttle and a satellite?”
A: “Launching a satellite is really really fun!“
Q: “What did 6 say into his cell phone?”
A: “Let me in my restaurant!“
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Jokes from the Booster Seat #6
Don’t be sad.
Don’t be blue.
Here’s more jokes from my son to you people…(featuring Invisi-Punchline™ technology!)
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Q: “What did the lemon say after he ate himself?”
A: “I really want to give all my taste!“
Q: “Why did the squash get back in his tomato train?”
A: “Because he’s always spotted with the cheese!“
Q: “What did the What say to the What?”
A: “You wanna?!“
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Jokes from the Booster Seat #7: Ho Ho Ho, Hee Hee Hee!
My son kicked ass on Christmas eve. Santa showed up in person and the boy really surprised me by showing no fear.
When I heard Santa might be stopping by, I thought it wouldn’t go well because the big guy also showed up at some kid’s party he was at last week and at that appearance my son pretended to be asleep on a trampoline until he was gone.
But on Christmas Eve the planets aligned and in front of 24 people my son decided to chat it up with the fat man. Santa made some silly comment and said “Santa’s funny.” My son said, “Yeah, I’m funny too! You wanna hear a joke?”
I was instantly excited by this, but he came out with one that he had clearly learned somewhere… “What do you call a vampire whose car broke down? — A cab!” Everyone laughed, but I was secretly disappointed because it wasn’t one of his own surreal zingers.
Basically, Christmas was ruined.
But then…”You wanna hear another one?!” my son said.
“Of course!” Santa replied.
“Ummm…. ummm…. Why did the spoon… throw glass on the ceiling?”
Yes! My wife and I were quietly psyched. Not only was he talking to Santa, but he was about to unload a spontaneous insane joke in front of everyone.
(Invisi-Punchline Technology –
TAP TO REVEAL ANSWER)Q: “Why did the spoon throw glass on the ceiling?”
A: “Because the plate was a TV!“
He delivered the punchline hard and the crowd responded with about 4 seconds of confused silence. It was fantastic.
Then Santa let out a loud “HO HO HO!” and everyone else joined in laughing. And just like that, Christmas was saved.
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