ME BIGFOOT!
@MEBIGFOOT
Jul 31, 2008
TESTING. TESTING. THIS IS ME FIRST TWITTER.
Jul 31, 2008
ME NO SLEEP WELL LAST NIGHT – WOKE UP 4 TIMES FROM OWN STENCH.
Jul 31, 2008
GOING TO LUNCH WITH NESSIE. PROBABLY HULA BURGER AT ISLANDS. ME LIKE SAUTEED MUSHROOMS.
Jul 31, 2008
ISLANDS WAS GOOD BUT ME EAT TOO MUCH. ME HAVE EYES BIGGER THAN STOMACH. (NOT AS BIG AS FOOT, OF COURSE.)
Aug 1, 2008
OOF, ME FUR EXTRA MATTED THIS MORNING. IT LIKE FULL-BODY BEDHEAD.
THERE IS A FAMOUS MONSTER TRUCK NAMED BIGFOOT. IT’S FLATTERING, YES. BUT ME NO SEE A DIME OF THAT.
NESSIE MADE ME FRENCH TOAST THIS MORNING. SHE IS NICE. (A LITTLE TOO MUCH CINNAMON, BUT ME NO SAY ANYTHING.
ME LIKE STAR WARS AS MUCH AS NEXT GUY, BUT IF YOU THINK CHEWBACCA ISN’T BIGFOOT RIP-OFF, YOU NEED TO GET YOU EYES CHECKED.
NOW GEORGE LUCAS LIVE IN MANSION AND ME STILL LIVE IN CAVE. SCREW YOU, GEORGE LUCAS. YEAH, WHAT IF ME AM DRUNK? SO WHAT?
CAN’T FIND ME “YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT BIG FEET” T-SHIRT. (DOESN’T REALLY MATTER SINCE ME NO WEAR UNDERPANTS ANYWAY.)
PEOPLE THINK MARMADUKE IS SO BIG. TO ME HE MEDIUM-SIZED. HILARIOUS, BUT MEDIUM.
ME HOPE MARMADUKE’S OWNERS NEVER CALL DOG WHISPERER. LIFE MAY GET EASIER, BUT SAY GOODBYE TO THE FUNNY.
WATCHING COMMERCIAL FOR SNUGGIE. IT CUTE IDEA, BUT ME ALREADY A BLANKET WITH ARMS.
ME HEARD SOMEONE SAY “STRANGERS ARE ONLY FRIENDS WE HAVEN’T MET YET.” THAT’S HOW ME FEEL ABOUT THE TICKS ON ME BACK.
ME SISTER COMING UP TO VISIT THIS WEEKEND. ME EXCITED TO SEE HER. LESS EXCITED TO SEE HER STUPID HUSBAND ALLEN AND HIS HATS.
ME SISTER JUST GOT HERE WITH STUPID ALLEN. RIGHT NOW ALLEN WEARING TIGHT WOOL CAP. WHO HE THINK HE IS? U2 GUITARIST THE EDGE?
YES, ALLEN. THE ONLY PLACE TO GET GOOD BAGELS IS NEW YORK, ALLEN. WHY DONT YOU GO THERE?
YOU KNOW WHEN YOU GET LIKE 50 INGROWN HAIRS AROUND YOU WAIST? ACTUALLY, YOU PROBABLY DON’T. WELL, YOU NOT MISSING ANYTHING.
NESSIE BOUGHT JUICE WITH PULP AGAIN. *SIGH* NO SWEETIE, IT FINE. ME LOVE A DRINK ME CAN CHEW.
ME HAVING AWESOME HAIR DAY. YOU SHOULD SEE ME THIGHS.
CAN’T BELIEVE ME WALKING AROUND ALL DAY WITH A PINECONE ON THE BACK OF ME HEAD. SO EMBARRASSING.
JUST DESIGNED T-SHIRT. IT SAYS “I GOT YOU MISSING LINK RIGHT HERE.” NESSIE SAYS IT NOT FUNNY. (MAYBE SHE THE ONE WHO NOT FUNNY)
JUST BEEN WORKING HARD ON ME STRING ART. ME CALL THIS ONE “PASSION OF THE STRING”
TODAY ME CHAT W/ 2 GIRLS ON TWITTER. NESSIE IS PISSED. WE HAVE “TALK” FOR HOURS. RIGHT NOW SHE OUTSIDE FOR SMOKE. ME SWEAR — OY, SHE BACK.
SHE JUST LOOKING FOR HER LIGHTER. SHE OUTSIDE AGAIN. MAYBE ME SHOULD JUST BREAK UP WITH HER. I DUNNO. THIS HARD.
CAN YOU BELIEVE ME GROWN SASQUATCH AND NEVER BREAK UP WITH A WOMAN BEFORE? SO LAME.
LONG NIGHT. WE MIGHT TRY SEEING OTHER PEOPLE. WE’LL SEE. ME NOT RUSH INTO ANYTHING. AT LEAST STRING ART ALWAYS THERE FOR ME.
CALLED NESSIE TO SEE HOW SHE DOING. SHE OK. ACTUALLY SHE BETTER THAN OK. SHE ALREADY HAVE A DATE FOR TONIGHT. WITH “JOEL.” ME GONNA BE SICK.
IT FINE. LET HER GO OUT WITH JOEL. ME DONT CARE. THIS IS ME NOT CARING. ME JUST GONNA GO FOR A NICE WALK. AND MAYBE PUNCH OUT A TREE.
“JOEL.”
ME APPRECIATE YOU STRING ART SUGGESTIONS. BUT THIS IS ALL ME COULD MAKE. IT CALLED “ME BLACK BREAKING HEART.”
ME HEARD JOEL HAS A MUSTACHE. ME JUST DON’T GET IT. ME ALL MUSTACHE.
COULDN’T SLEEP LAST NIGHT. ME PILLOW STILL SMELL LIKE HER. (ME SAY PILLOW. IT REALLY A ROCK. BUT STILL.)
UNBELIEVABLE. ME JUST GOT SUMMONS FOR JURY DUTY. ME ALL FOR CIVIC DUTY, BUT ME ALSO A 9′ TALL APEMAN WHO DOESN’T OWN PANTS.
IF ME WERE 4 FEET SHORTER AND NOT HAIRY AND A LADY — ME BET ME’D LOOK NICE IN A SUN DRESS.
UGH, ME HAVE WICKED POSSUM BURPS.
TIME TO GRILL ME FAMOUS “BEER CAN ANTELOPE.” IT JUST LIKE BEER CAN CHICKEN. ONLY ME USE ANTELOPE. AND JAM A KEG IN HIM.
ON PHONE WITH JURY DUTY PEOPLE. THEY TELLING ME “SASQUATCH” IS NOT A VALID EXCUSE. ME ASK TO SPEAK TO SUPERVISOR.
THAT’S IT. ME HAVE JURY DUTY. AND NOW ME NEED TO FIND WORLD’S LARGEST KHAKIS.
ME OPEN BOX OF ASSORTED OATMEAL BUT SEE ALL THAT LEFT ARE PACKETS OF “PLAIN.” AWAKE 5 MINS AND TODAY ALREADY SUCK THE BIG ONE.
THIS MAY BE THE BANANA DAIQUIRI TALKING, BUT SERIOUSLY, HOW GOOD ARE BANANA DAIQUIRIS?????
THREE WORDS ME NEVER WANT TO SEE TOGETHER AGAIN: BANANA DAIQUIRI HANGOVER…
ME LOVE AT END OF STAR WARS, LUKE GET MEDAL, HAN GET MEDAL, CHEWBACCA GET NOTHING. WHEN U RIP OFF BIGFOOT THAT ALL U DESERVE.
AT ME SISTER’S FOR COOKOUT. SADLY SO IS HER STUPID HUSBAND ALLEN. NICE NOVELTY APRON, ALLEN. ME DOUBT YOU REALLY “LICENSED TO GRILL.”